29 Habits You Need to Break Before Turning 30 |READ|

29 Habits You Need to Break Before Turning 30

Most of us spend our 20s figuring sh*t out: our careers, our relationships, ourselves. And we're going to make plenty of mistakes along the way.
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That’s more than OK—no one's perfect. Plus, mistakes build character. As someone recently told me, “Sometimes you win, and sometimes you learn.”
But as I edge toward 30, I've started to want to do more things right and fewer things wrong. Maybe now's the time to start thinking of life as less of a big, messy experiment and more of a strategic game to be played.
After reflecting on my own experiences, reading books and articles about others', and listening to advice from some very wise people, I came up with 29 habits that probably aren’t doing us any favors. While they may not be the worst things you could do, holding onto them could be holding you back from the relationships, career, health, and happiness you deserve.
I’m still trying to break plenty of them myself—it's definitely a learning process. The good news? No matter what age you are, there’s no time like the present to start letting go of certain habits so you can keep crushing it in your 30s, 40s, and beyond.

29 Habits to Kick

1. Flaking out on plans with friends.

If you agree to brunch or dinner with a friend, don’t cancel a few hours beforehand—unless you have a super valid reason. Stressed and exhausted? That’s an even better reason to keep your plans. Research shows hanging out with a friend can boost your mood and decrease stress. (Caveat: If the friend in question is dragging you down, maybe it’s time to break ties completely—which doesn’t mean rescheduling and cancelling all over again.)

2. Spending too much money on cheap clothes.

The tank tops and ripped jeans at Forever21 are tempting, but blowing $200 on a pile of clothes you’ll only wear once or twice isn’t a good way to spend your paycheck. Invest in some higher-quality items (and I don’t mean designer) that’ll last you way longer. You may actually start to enjoy getting dressed, while saving money in the long run.

3. Obsessing over online dating.

So the person you’ve been chatting with for three weeks still hasn’t asked you out? He or she probably isn’t going to. Accept it, move on, and look up from your phone—you can talk to the cute guy or girl in the coffee shop. Also, let's stop chasing after people who speak in a virtual monotone, giving only one-word answers. There are plenty of people out there who are a lot more fun to talk to.

4. Being too afraid to ask for a raise.

A 2015 study found that almost 60 percent of workers don’t ask for a raise, mainly because they felt uncomfortable asking. We all need to work hard to prove our worth, but we should also be paid what we deserve. Asking for a raise (that you've truly earned) isn't that scary—here’s some advice that’ll help you feel prepared and calm your nerves.

5. Skimping on skin care.

Yeah, you should wash your face at night. No, you shouldn’t pick at your pimples (unless you’re doing it the doctor-approved way). While you don’t have to pay up for special facials or laser treatments, you should invest in some high-quality products that are right for your skin (and use sunscreen every day).

6. “Forgetting” to call older relatives.

Your parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and other older and wiser relatives deserve to hear your voice every so often. Stop making excuses to put it off until tomorrow. Pick up the phone, ask how they are, and tell them what’s new in your life. Not only will you make their day, but chances are, you’ll also feel better in the process.

7. Overusing the word “sorry.”

No need to apologize for responding to a text two hours later. Or for staying in on a Friday to save some money and get some sleep. The more I read about our culture's apology epidemic, the more it irks me when I hear "sorry" tossed around in casual conversation. We could all stand to cut back. Bonus: When you do need to apologize, saying sorry will carry more significance.

8. Feeling guilty for your success.

If you land an amazing new job or start a business, something weird may happen: People might put you down. It sounds cliché, but odds are, they’re jealous or feeling insecure. Don't let this make you feel bad, embarrassed, or apologetic about your success. Own it and forget the haters. The good people in your life—the ones who build you up and offer support—will be nothing but happy for you.

9. Staying with a partner who makes you feel anything less than awesome.

We know it's not always sunshine and rainbows; inevitably, there will be bumps in the road. (Here's how to tell if your doubts are deal breakers or totally normal.) But overall, your partner should make you feel happy, secure, beautiful, and loved—and if those feelings haven’t surfaced in a long time, it may be time to rethink the partnership.

10. Taking “no” for an answer without trying again.

There are going to be things you can’t do anything about (and that’s an important lesson in itself). But when it comes to issues you really care about—at work, in your relationship, anywhere—don’t just accept the first “no” that someone gives you. Ask again, backed with a reasonable argument and without complaining. You never know ’til you ask (again), right?

11. Not saving money.

Whether it’s a 401(k), IRA, or savings account, socking away cash is one of the smartest things a 20-something can do, experts say. In your 20s, aim to save 10 to 15 percent of your paycheck; in your 30s, try to put 15 to 25 percent in your savings account. Set up a monthly automatic transfer to make it easy, and check out these 94 painless ways to save more money.

12. Not cleaning your shower until it’s covered in mold.

It’s gross, and it’s not that hard to clean. (I found a toothbrush works wonders on shower tiles.) Same goes for not dusting until dust bunnies take over or not washing your sheets until they start to smell bad.

13. Arguing with your parents.

14. Smoking (or tanning)—at all.

These are two of the worst things you can do for your health. There’s no excuse. Social smoking is still smoking, and a base tan still counts as sun damage. Need help quitting? Here are some useful tips.

15. Waiting around for The One.

It's tempting to swipe endlessly on apps, but if you’re not actually open to giving someone a chance (even if they don't look like the guy or gal of your dreams), then you’re not going to find someone. Newsflash: Soul mates aren’t a real thing, so stop waiting for the face of your future partner to magically appear.

16. Not pursuing something you love.

Reading, writing a blog, knitting, doing Zumba—whatever it is, don’t let someone’s judgment stop you from pursuing your passions. Set aside the time for the things you love and consider marking it on your calendar so you’ll actually do it.

17. Constantly running late.

This is a tough one to work on resolving—trust me, I know. But if you can nail the whole being-on-time thing, you’ll be well on your way to a better, less stressful life.

18. Checking your phone at the dinner table.

Whether you’re with friends, a date, or your family, it’s not cool. Whatever is so intriguing on your phone can wait. And texting while driving? Really not cool. Seriously, stop.

19. Living vicariously through social media.

20. Sending regrettable texts after 2 a.m.

Let's be honest: Doing anything past 2 a.m. is probably not the best idea. But sending nonsensical texts to that person you’re seeing or phone-bombing your ex isn’t good for anyone.

21. Never (like, ever) exercising.

We’re not talking running a marathon or punishing yourself with heavy weights. If you think you hate working out, find something you love. With the massive amount of fitness trends out there today, we promise it’s possible to find a workout (from barre to yoga to P90x to dance cardio) that you actually look forward to doing. And you don’t need a gym to get fit—these bodyweight workouts prove it.

22. Complaining about getting older.

Thirty is not old. So stop saying it is. People are living longer than ever these days—into our 80s, 90s, and beyond—so you easily have at least 50 more years to live it up. And not to be morbid, but celebrating your 30th birthday is a lot better than the alternative.

23. Never buying groceries.

24. Saying yes to a second date you don’t want to go on.

There’s no law that says you have to go out with that person again. If you find yourself dreading a second go-round or would simply prefer to stay home and binge-watch Netflix rather than see him or her, that's totally fine. (Note: If you're unsure or just didn't feel a spark right off the bat, it could be worth another try.)

25. Skipping doctor appointments.

Especially skin checks with your dermatologist or check-ups with your PCP or OB/GYN. See your dentist twice per year, and other doctors as often as needed. Don’t put it off—it could save your life, after all.

26. Blacking out.

We’re all for happy hours, rowdy birthday dinners, and epic nights out in general. But it’s really scary—and unsafe—to wake up one morning without remembering how you got home the night before. (Here’s what really happens to your brain when you black out.)

27. Fighting with your siblings over small stuff.

They’re your flesh and blood. And they’re likely the ones who’ll help you cope and deal with the loss of a parent or other family member. While you may have disagreements—and some major dramas—we'd all be wise to let the little things go.

28. Not giving back to others.

Even if it’s not a consistent thing, make time to volunteer. Serve food at a shelter, mentor a child in need, visit folks in the hospital, or try any of these ways to give back (that don't involve writing a check). It will help put your life in perspective and make you realize that even your worst days really aren’t that bad.

29. Waiting for “real life” to start.

This is it. Check in with yourself about your hopes, dreams, and goals on the reg, and if you haven’t asked yourself lately what kind of life you really want to live, do it today. Then start living it.

What Your Period Might Reveal About Your Health

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When it comes to the human body, hormones affect everything. From sleep cycles, moods, and sex drive, to appetite and even mental health, hormones are involved in virtually all of our physical and mental activities.
Yet hormones are hardly a primary component of the national conversation about health. Alisa Vitti, a women's health specialist, founder of FloLiving, and author of WomanCode, seeks to change that. We connected with Vitti to talk about hormones, health, and how you can change your health with food.

Paying Attention to Periods

"For so long women have brushed aside and failed to take seriously the symptoms that we attribute to our hormones, such as PMS, cramps, and acne,” Vitti says. Yet strong evidence points to the fact that hormones are important—for both men and women—at every stage of our lives.

Some of the most convincing evidence comes from a 2009 study that was funded by the NIH. The study yielded two primary findings: One, that women who experienced untreated hormonal issues—such as premenstrual syndrome (PMS) and infertility—prior to menopause were more likely to develop diseases of inflammation (such as diabetes, heart disease, and cancer) later in life. And two, that women can improve their hormonal balance with diet and lifestyle changes.

Armed with this knowledge, Vitti is on a mission to “turn women on to how powerful their bodies are.” Instead of joking about crankiness and chocolate cravings at a certain time of the month, Vitti wants women to get in touch with their menstrual cycles—to figure out what's out of balance and how to make changes to improve overall health.

Getting Into the Flow

To that end, Vitti created the WomanCode System—an online platform designed to help women permanently balance their hormones via education, eating plans, personal counseling, and symptom tracking. (She also published a book by the same name.) The idea is to use the program to enhance standard medical care. “Every meal, every day, you need a system that’s going to help you succeed [in your health goals]," Vitti says.

The easiest way to learn about what’s going on with your body, according to Vitti, is simply to look before you flush. The color, consistency, flow, and timing of menstruation can all yield insight into your current state of health. Other markers of hormonal imbalances—many of which are considered par for the course for menstruating women—include breast tenderness, moodiness, acne, dandruff, constipation, eczema or rosacea, and changing energy levels.

Blocking Optimal Health

No surprise here, these issues are remarkably common. An estimated 85 percent of menstruating women experience at least one symptom of PMS each month, while approximately 10 percent of women in the U.S. struggle with infertility issues, and as many as one in 10 suffer from PCOS.

All told, Vitti says, more than 20 million women in the U.S. alone struggle with menstrual and other hormonal health issues. As Vitti sees it, these hormonal imbalances are caused by what she refers to as “flow blockers"—pesticides and chemicals in our foods, cosmetics, and home and work environments, which, according to some studies, have been linked to hormonal disruption.

Hormones are also affected by what we eat. “The primary function of the endocrine system [which relies on hormones for proper function] is to safeguard the transport of sugar throughout the body,” Vitti says. Thus she asserts it’s vital to maintain blood sugar stability. In some ways, the idea is nothing new: Experts have long advocated that people avoid blood sugar spikes and crashes, primarily by avoiding refined carbs. What's unique about Vitti’s approach is the special emphasis she places on the connection between blood sugar and hormonal balance.

Of course, stress also plays a role in hormonal activity. And while we can't always control external stressors, such as a job loss or family tragedy, Vitti is confident we can control internal stressors, such as blood sugar, exposure to pesticides, and lack of micronutrients, simply by refining our food choices. These choices can, in turn, promote a healthier hormonal cycle—which Vitti sees as essential to overall wellness.

Creating Cyclical Lifestyles

In addition to dietary changes, Vitti advocates establishing a lifestyle that meshes with the hormonal cycle. “The four-week menstrual cycle is a creation cycle,” Vitti says. Indeed, some research supports the idea that hormonal cycles are tied to creativity. Vitti views the follicular phase as a highly creative, idea-generating phase; during ovulation, women may excel at communication skills; during the luteal (or, loosely, the premenstrual) phase, focus may improve, providing energy for administrative tasks (e.g., organizing a shoe closet or finishing a project); and menstruation is a time for “evaluation and course correction.”

Rather than fighting against or powering through these phases, Vitti says people should (quite literally) surrender to the flow. She points out that no person (of any gender) can act exactly the same way every single day but rather experiences cyclical shifts in energy and focus. By observing these patterns, people can create optimized schedules that sync up with our energy and needs.

“Let’s figure out how our body is communicating data to us in real time every day so that we can kick ass in every area of our lives,” Vitti says. “That, for me, is what it is for a woman to get in the flow.”

The views expressed here belong exclusively to Alisa Vitti and do not necessarily reflect the opinions or thoughts of Greatist.

Originally published April 2013. Updated March 2016.

15 Science-Backed Reasons to Have More Sex

For healthy, consenting adults, sex can be great or even mind-blowing. But getting busy with a partner can also have some legit benefits beyond our brainwaves. Read on for more reasons to get it on (as if we needed ‘em)!

This Is Your Body On Sex

The good feelings swirling around the brain during sexytimes are due to brain chemistry, specifically dopamine and opoid chemicals. But the goodness extends beyond our brains. Studies have found that regular sex can do way more than make us feel warm and fuzzy.

1. It helps ward off cold and flu.

Researchers found that university students who engaged in sexual activity a few times a week had higher levels of immunoglobulin A—an antibody that helps fight infections and the common cold—in their saliva . Interestingly enough, the IgA levels were highest in couples who consistently had sex a few times a week, but lower in people who had no sex or lots of sex.

2. It reduces depression and stress.

No need for chocolate: Some studies show that contact with semen during intercourse can act as an antidepressant for women . But don’t worry: Doing the deed has positive mental-health associations for everyone! In general, intercourse can make blood pressure less reactive to stress and reduce overall stress levels .

3. It boosts brainpower.

A study on adult rats found that the sexually active rodents experienced an increase in neurons in the hippocampus—a part of the brain that stores memories—compared to their virginal rat buddies. Not only that, but researchers at the University of Amsterdam found that sexual encounters may improve people’s analytical thinking.

4. It improves overall physical fitness.

If you’re looking for more motivation to hit the gym, consider this: Working out regularly tends to improve our sex lives, and having sex regularly can improve physical fitness. Everyone who’s ever watched an R-rated movie knows sexytime can be quite the cardio workout—in fact, half an hour of sex can burn more than 144 calories. Studies have also shown that exercising frequently can enhance sexual performance.

5. It relieves pain.

Gettin’ frisky releases a bevy of hormones that can reduce pain. Oxytocin, the “cuddling hormone” that makes folks want to snuggle up after sex, reduces stress and promotes feelings of calm and wellbeing. Sex also releases serotonin, endorphins, and phenyl ethylamine, hormones that generate feelings of euphoria, pleasure, and elation—and make people forget all about that nagging sore muscle or back twinge. Other studies have shown intercourse can stop migraines in their tracks and reduce the uncomfortable side effects of rheumatoid arthritis.

6. It improves sleep.

It’s a cliché that dudes pass out right after sex, but intercourse actually can help both men and women nod off. Feeling relaxed and comfortable are big factors in hitting the big O, so it makes sense that there’s a tendency to want to snooze right after. During and after sex, the brain releases powerful hormones (including norepinephrine, serotonin, oxytocin, and vasopressin), which can trigger the urge to cuddle or just pass out. Men are especially likely to zonk out because the prefrontal cortex—the part of the brain responsible for interpreting and responding to new information—slows waaaay down immediately after orgasm in males.

7. It enhances your sense of smell.

Oddly enough, spending some time between the sheets can help our noses do their job even better. After sexual intercourse, the body produces the hormone prolactin, which creates new neurons in the olfactory bulb—the part of the brain that controls how we understand and react to smells.

8. It makes us look younger.

A little afternoon (or morning) delight doesn’t just make you feel great; it can actually make you glow! A Scottish study showed that loving, supportive couples who had intercourse three or more times a week appeared on average 10 years younger than their actual age. Orgasms trigger the release of the sex hormone estrogen in both men and women. Estrogen improves hair and skin quality, making people look more attractive .

9. It decreases risk for heart disease.

Good news, dudes! Studies show doing the deed actually reduces risk of stroke and coronary heart disease in men . According to the study, men who had sex once a month or less were 45 percent more likely to contract a cardiovascular disease than friskier fellows. The evidence suggested the men with better overall health had higher libidos and therefore more sex overall, which reinforced their healthy cardiovascular systems.

10. It regulates periods.

Some athletic (hetero) lovemaking once or twice a week can, on a very basic level, make it less likely that Aunt Flow will show up unexpected. In one study, scientists found that women exposed to male sweat were calmer and more relaxed than the control group. These women also experienced smaller changes of levels of luteinizing hormone (which controls the menstrual cycle) in the blood. Getting’ jiggy with it also reduces stress, another contributing factor in keeping periods more regular.

11. It lowers blood pressure.

High blood pressure puts pressure on the blood vessels, leading to damage and narrow, hardened arteries. The same effects that endanger the cardiovascular system can also cause erectile dysfunction in men (think about it for a second…) and reduced arousal and ability to achieve orgasm in women. Testosterone, a sex hormone power player for both ladies and gents, could be a solution. Studies have shown a link between low testosterone and high blood pressure, while the spikes in testosterone associated with sexual activity might help lower blood pressure .

12. It improves tooth health.

This one’s a bit of a reach, but bear with us. In addition to sperm, semen contains minerals like calcium, magnesium, and zinc—which are also found in root canal fillings . Zinc and calcium are also ingredients in most commercially available tooth rinses. We’ll let you do the math…

13. It fights prostate cancer.

The link between frequent ejaculation and prostate health is still up for debate. According to some studies, regular sex “flushes out” any carcinogens lurking in the prostate gland, making it less likely to become cancerous . But a more recent study showed that very frequent sexual activity in young men (20s and early 30s) could actually increase the risk of developing prostate cancer . Meanwhile, frequent ejaculation in middle-aged or older (50+) men decreased disease risk . In other words, the verdict is still out on this one—though things look pretty good for the older gents among us.

14. It lowers risks during pregnancy.

Pregnant ladies, time to get your groove on. Frequent sexual intercourse—and exposure to semen—can reduce the risk of developing a serious pregnancy complication called preeclampsia (which can cause swollen extremities, headaches, nausea, and even seizures). A protein found in semen, called HLG-A, can regulate women’s immune systems and lower the possibility of experiencing these complications .

15. It makes fertilization easier.

For people trying to get a bun in the oven, there’s no such thing as too much “trying.” A study at an Australian fertility center showed that men who ejaculated daily for seven days had higher-quality sperm at the end of the week. The sperm’s rate of DNA fragmentation dropped from 34 percent to 26 percent, meaning it was heartier and more likely to fertilize an egg—probably because frequent sex (and ejaculation) means sperm spend less time in the testicular ducts and are less likely to be damaged over time.
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Is It Ever OK to Stay in Touch With Your Ex?

Whether or not the breakup was your call, cutting a person out of your life—someone with whom you’ve shared secrets, dreams for the future, a bed, or even a home—is really, really tough. And there’s no formula for breaking up with someone (though we did write about the best way to do it without being a jerk).
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But even after the hard part is over, it’s never as cut-and-dry as simply saying good-bye. In today’s smartphone-centric, Facebook-addicted, Instagram-obsessed world, staying in touch with an ex is a lot easier—and messier.
Is the answer to unfriend, unfollow, and block? Can you check in via text? Do you wish them a happy birthday when Facebook aggressively prods you to?
As with all things in love, each situation is individual, says Terri Orbuch, Ph.D., relationship expert and author of Finding Love Again: 6 Simple Steps to a New and Happy Relationship. And, of course, there are some practical reasons to stay in touch with an ex, says Juliana Breines, Ph.D., a social psychology researcher at Brandeis University. For example, if you have children or a business together.
Or maybe you want to remain friends with an ex because that’s an easier option than cutting ties abruptly, or because you still feel emotionally attached to them. Those reasons are exactly why staying in contact with an ex isn’t a good idea, Breines says.
Here are three things to consider before opening up the lines of communication.

1. How Emotionally Connected Are You?

Pop quiz: Think about your ex. How do you feel? If you honestly don’t feel anything at all—like totally, 100 percent neutral, an emotional zero on a scale from one to 10—then it may be possible to stay friendly with them in a healthy and functional way, Orbuch says.

The problem? Most us don’t (and can’t) truly feel that way. “If you feel any emotion when you think of your ex—if you’re angry, pining, frustrated, or unsure—that means you’re still connected,” Orbuch says, which signals you have some emotional baggage you need to unpack before you think about reaching out.

2. How Did the Relationship End?

It was mutual and ended on good terms.

If there are legitimate reasons to remain cordial (for instance, you have mutual friends, children, or you work at the same company), then by all means be civil toward one another. We’re all mature adults here, right?

And if you were friends before, research proves it is possible to go back to being friends again—regardless of who broke up with whom. The caveat: If one or both of you were romantically interested in each other during the previous friendship, you may (again) have trouble keeping things platonic, Breines says. That’s why it's probably a good idea to wait until you've recovered from the breakup to reestablish a friendship, which could take months or even years, depending on the nature of the split.

Remember that what your ex needs most is to feel independent from you, not dependent on you.

You broke up with them, and it wasn’t pretty.

“It's natural to want to comfort an ex through a breakup if they aren't taking it well,” Breines says. But she cautions that emotional support can send a confusing message, giving false hope or preventing them from moving on. Resist the urge to text or email, she suggests, and remember that what your ex needs most is to feel independent from you, not dependent on you.

You were broken up with.

That stinks. We know how much a broken heart hurts. And we also know the urge to text your ex can be overwhelming.

If you’re reaching out to your ex (texting, emailing, or calling) or obsessively checking their social media profile (all. the. time.), it means you’re still strongly connected to that person, Orbuch says. Even if you don't want to admit it, it means you’re wishing you were with them.

The most masochistic part of it: Although it may make you sad or upset to look at their profile, it’s your subconscious yet cruel way of helping yourself still feel connected or associated with that person, Orbuch says.

Sound familiar? Don’t worry, you’re not alone. Surveys find that about 88 percent of people creep on their ex's social media profile. Which isn’t all that surprising—after all, blocking someone who used to be a big part your life feels very final and very sad.

But staring at their Snapchat stories or scrolling through their Instagram for hours isn’t going to help you feel better. Research shows that constantly clicking on your ex’s Facebook page can disrupt emotional recovery after a breakup by creating more distress, negative feelings, sexual desire, and longing for your ex. It also inhibits personal growth, which could be the best thing to come out a breakup. Studies even suggest cyberstalking could lead to actual in-person stalking.

Plus, don't forget that social media presents a positively skewed picture of others' lives, Breines reminds us. Your ex's life or new relationship may seem flawless, but you don't know what's really going on. Still, if you find the allure of looking too distracting or hard to handle, it’s time to unfriend and unfollow once and for all.

You want to be with someone who wants to be with you.

Finally, when the temptation to text or call strikes, think about what you want out of a good relationship, Orbuch suggests. “When someone breaks up with you, that means they don’t want to be in a relationship with you.” It may sound like tough love, but remember: You want to be with someone who wants to be with you.

3. How Does Your Partner Feel About It?

If you're not sure, here's a litmus test: Would you feel comfortable hanging out with your ex and your current partner together? “If the answer is no, then staying friends with your ex may not work,” Breines says. And if you're sneaking around and not telling your new S.O. that you’re in touch with your ex, that's definitely a bad sign.

However, if your partner would be totally cool knowing or finding out about your communication with your ex, then keeping that connection is probably fine, Orbuch says.

Finally, staying in touch with an ex when you're with a new partner could lead you to (falsely) believe the grass is always greener, Breines says. Especially when you're upset or annoyed with your current S.O., you may think that things would be better with someone else. “But this way of thinking is a trap and could prevent you from ever being happy where you are,” Breines says.

Remember, it's always easy to romanticize the person you’re no longer with with since you’re not exposed to all their irritating habits, she adds.

The Takeaway

The temptation to stay in touch with an ex is normal—we've all been there. If you need to remain civil (and can), by all means go for it. But if you're hanging onto the hope of getting back together, giving them the wrong impression, or risking your current relationship, that's another story.

When the urge to text the ex strikes, message a good friend instead, Breines suggests. They can help bring you back to reality. And most of all, remember what you deserve: a loving, lasting relationship that both people want to be a part of.

Thanks for reading.

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Tuesday, 22 March 2016